Showing posts with label driving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label driving. Show all posts

Friday, August 26, 2011

I Wish I Was A Grownup

Zac asleep in Daddy's arms.
"I wish I was a grownup," my grandson Zac said, as he has been saying often lately. Zac will be four in November.

"I wanna be a grownup, so I can drive a car." Well, three is a little young to be thinking about driving, but I like the fact that he has goals.

"Guess what!" I responded. "In about 12 years you will be able to drive a car."

Zac wasn't impressed.

"And I wanna eat broccoli."

Well, that was unexpected.

"Do you like broccoli?"

"I hate broccoli. But when I be a grownup, I will like it."

Again, good to know he has goals.

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Thursday, July 22, 2010

When Ya Gotta Go Ya Gotta Go

I was traveling from Virginia to Illinois with my daughter-in-law, two of her children, and one of her nephews.

Several hours into the trip, Michelle asked me if I would mind driving. After a while she announced, "Oh, by the way, when Wesley (her nephew) has to go, he has to go NOW!"

She went on to say that when he has to go, he will frantically scream her name from the back of the SUV, and we will have less than a minute to locate a place for him.

A few minutes later, Wesley called his aunt's name with the frantic urgency of a child who had just consumed an entire gallon of milk that was gushing into a gnat-sized bladder.

We pulled off and tried to locate the Subway that the posted sign promised would be off that exit. After driving a mile and not finding it, I doubled back to the gas station we had passed. Michelle jumped out of the SUV to run Wesley into the gas station.

But Wesley had taken off his shoes and couldn't find them. Michelle told him he had to find them, because she wasn't taking him into a dirty bathroom without his shoes on.

While Michelle was checking the bathroom door to make sure she didn't have to get a key, Wesley was searching (in vain) for shoes that may have been buried beneath the pillows he was jumping up and down on while holding himself.

By the time she came back to the car (30 seconds later), Wesley had peed all over himself and the pillows. Michelle looked at his puppy dog face and said, "I KNOW you didn't just pee all over yourself and the pillows!"

But he did. "I told you I had to go."

Michelle took off his clothes while a couple of us took bathroom breaks. Michelle then took her place behind the driver's seat and we drove to Subway, which was probably a mile further from where we originally turned around. Michelle bought sandwiches, drinks, and cookies for all of us so we wouldn't have to go inside to eat.

A couple of hours later, Wesley urgently called his aunt's name again. Not knowing how far we were from the next exit, we pulled over and allowed Wesley to relieve himself out the back door. "Don't pee on the car!" Michelle warned.

When I turned around to make sure he was finished so I could jump out of the car and close the back door, I noticed he was completely naked. I was grateful that traffic was speeding past us and that nobody had seen little naked boy peeing out of the SUV, but every time I thought about him sitting back there naked, I laughed.

All his clothes were packed and, for some reason, he had taken off the t-shirt Michelle had given him to cover himself.

Later, when it was dark, and we had driven through four states with Wesley naked, Michelle noticed she was speeding. "I'd better slow down," she realized.

Yeah I thought out loud knowing that Wesley was sound asleep in the back, "Imagine some cop holding a flashlight and looking inside the car. We'd have a hard time explaining the sleeping naked boy in the back seat.'"

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Drivers Who Annoy Me - One of My BIGGEST Pet Peeves

Today I am going to write about one of my biggest pet peeves – driving while playing games – with other drivers.

My Dad had an annoying habit of driving in the left-hand lane of a four-lane highway at the same speed as the driver on his right. If the driver on his right slowed down, my dad slowed down. If the driver on his right sped up, my dad sped up.

As a child I was fascinated by this game and I watched his face in the rear view mirror whenever he played it. As the cars lined up behind him, his cheeks rose higher and higher and the grin that spread across his face grew wider and wider as the line of cars behind him grew longer and longer. I figured he was probably playing some kind of follow the leader game, and he was winning.

Faces of the drivers behind us were contorted into all kinds of shapes, and the gestures they made were frightful.

The drivers in the cars next to us were sometimes oblivious to what Dad was doing. Other times I'm sure they couldn't help but wonder if Dad was stalking them, despite the fact that Mom was sitting in the passenger seat.

Having grown up with a father who loved
playing the game I now refer to as the "Control Road Antagonist Ploy" game (CRAP for short), I learned that other people enjoyed controlling the road as well, and I discovered that my father's idea of enjoyment was diametrically opposed to my own idea of fun.

I hate to judge anybody, though, so I'd like to give those other annoying drivers the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they are the daydreamers among us, taking a leisurely drive down a crowded highway, oblivious to the tantrums being thrown in cars around them. Maybe I am just being hypercritical.

All these many many years I sincerely believed in the goodness of other drivers UNTIL I spoke with my brother-in-law, Craig, about this issue. When I told him my theory of what I believed to be a game drivers played when they speed up to join a slow driver on their right, he acknowledged that he played that game all the time. I knew it! I knew they were doing it on purpose.

So I've been thinking about how to out-annoy them. And here's what I've come up with – an ear-shattering horn that looks like a gun. I roll down my window and aim, and as the sound comes out of the pseudo gun, out pops a flag that says, "You win! Now move on!" If only I could figure out how to get between them and the car next to them.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Roads? Where I'm Going I Don't Need Roads.


Yesterday I went back to the future. I tried to get the wireless connection working on my ancient laptop, but couldn't, so I took it to the local Apple dealer instead.

The University of Illinois was brimming with activity this past weekend. Apparently classes begin Monday and students were filling the streets in droves as they moved into their new quarters. I didn't know where the campus Apple dealer was located and neither did all the PC owners I asked, so I drove around and around all of the one-way streets trying to find it.

After hearing that even laptops can become extinct unless you spend more money to fix them than it would cost to purchase a new laptop, I left the parking lot that was closest to the Apple center. I needed to turn right, but I wasn't allowed to turn right. Right would have taken me directly home. Instead I kept driving left down one-way streets until it got to the point where I felt I was spiraling downward into the bowels of Champaign, Illinois.

Yes, I know those two words – bowels and Champaign – clearly do not belong in the same sentence, but you have to understand how annoying it is to drive and drive and not be able to get to where you need to be. Very frustrating.

But, optimist that I am, I ventured onward. Then suddenly, with absolutely no idea how I arrived on what looked to be a bicycle path, I saw students staring at me as they walked around my car, oblivious to the fact that I was pretending to be "Security" for the campus. Finally I saw a road that took me (again) in the opposite direction. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me," I said sympathetically to myself.

All the while I'm thinking – the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and I am creating a web of non-intersecting tangents that are taking me further and further away from my destination. It was like running in quicksand. All I wanted to do was find some familiar territory.

It was like the time I went to visit the man who would one day become my ex-husband. On my way to visit him before we got married, I drove through a neighborhood that kept bringing me back to the same street corner. I should have taken it as a sign, but I didn't. And every time I arrived there, I looked around and thought, "How does this keep happening?"

I think, after having had numerous years in which to ponder this mystery, that I have some defective gene that pulls me in the wrong direction. Please see my previous post, Driving Dilemmas, for more proof that I do indeed have this as yet undiscovered defective gene.

(Photo is from IMBD - Internet Movie Data Base – a clip from the movie, Back To The Future, starring Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd)

Driving & Other Dilemmas - Bloopers & Mistakes


Have you ever put a key into a lock that didn’t work? One of my daughters and I were discussing the many times we’ve encountered just that problem. Sometimes it’s with cars (as when we attempt to force our keys into what turns out to be somebody else’s car), and sometimes it happens with houses.

One year I moved into an apartment complex with numerous buildings that all looked exactly alike. A friend and I had gone out for a couple of drinks (hmm, come to think of it, that might have contributed to the problem), and she let me off at my new apartment.

“I’ll stay here until I see the door open,” she offered as a measure of protection (I have always had amazing friends). She watched me climb the stairs, walk down the long outdoor hallway, stand before my door, and fidget with the lock.

After numerous attempts I looked over at her and saw her raise both palms upward and shrug her shoulders. I did the same. After more attempts, I walked down the long hallway, down the steps, and right back into her car.

“What do you want to do?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I thought out loud. “Maybe my key isn’t working.”

Turns out I lived one building to the west.

My daughter’s favorite driving story is about the time she and a couple of friends were driving one friend home after a party. They pulled into the driveway and when Sema didn’t open the door, they said, “Sema, you’re home – get out!”

“But this isn’t my house,” she argued.

“YES! It is, now open the door.” Reluctantly Sema left the car and walked up to the front door where she found herself standing face to face with her next-door neighbor at 2 o’clock in the morning, saying the only thing she could think to say, “Have you seen my brother?”

But the highlight of my driving experiences is one of those déjà vu moments that reminded me of the time I was taking driver’s ed in high school. The instructor and two other students were male. I was the only female.

In those days, wheels didn’t return to their original position, so when I made a right turn, I ended up speeding through a field directly into the path of a house. Every time the instructor yelled, “BRAKES! BRAKES!” I accelerated more and more. When I saw the whites of the eyes of the family seated at their breakfast table staring at me with mouths agape, something snapped inside me and I slammed on the breaks just in time to see the two other students cowering in embarrassment on the floor of the back seat.

And so here I was, decades later, working for a home party company heading into the country to find – from the driving directions that included no street names – landmarks such as poles, statues, and baskets. I was never very good at seeing in the dark, and this brand new street had no lights yet. I had to continuously vacate my car and walk up to each house just to locate the address.

Finally, I thought I had it figured out and I pulled my car directly in front of what I thought would be the correct house. For reasons I couldn’t understand, I saw the father wrap his arms around his children and rush them into the house. When I came to a stop, I noticed the circular driveway in front of me running to my left and to my right. Too bad I didn’t see it before I drove across their newly landscaped lawn.

(photo of Nicolas Cage – "this isn't my house" in The Family Man is from IMDB – Internet Movie Data Base)