Hey, Ladies Have I Got Something To Show You

Early in my cancer treatments, on one of those rare occasions when I actually wore a wig (rather than hats or scarves), I met my mother and two of my daughters (Brittney and Lindsey) at The Olive Garden for lunch. After lunch we decided to spend more time at Orland Square Mall.

As we walked through the mall, a guy whose kiosk was located in the middle of the mall, invited us to examine a brand new hair straightening (flatiron) product.

Promising that it was better than any product we'd ever seen, he asked us if he could demonstrate on us. Because my daughters, my mother, and I rarely get a chance to be together, we weren't about to take what precious time we had together and share it with a stranger, so we politely excused ourselves from the insistent little man.

After we got a few steps away, we laughed about how we SHOULD have handled the situation. Having read the literature on the wig I was wearing, I suggested that maybe I should have allowed the guy to demonstrate on me and then, when the wig disintegrated on his flatiron, I could have sued him for damages. We imagined the look on his face as my wig melted away his promise.

Lindsey topped my comment though, when she said, "Or you could have just taken it off and handed it to him."

Hey, Sir, have I got something to show you!

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Me With Hair (I look like my mommy)

If you read My Bravest Blog Yet, you got the chance to see what I look like bald. Here is what I look like with a wig. Note the comparison between my mother and myself.

You'll have to excuse my pallor. Even though I slathered makeup on my eyes, I still look sickly – my mom doesn't. And that's how you can tell us apart. She's the healthy one. I couldn't even smile because of the sores in my mouth due to the chemo, so realize I'm just as happy as my mother. I just can't show it here.

My mom has maybe four gray hairs on her entire head. I now have none (hear that, Mom? none). The reason I know how many gray hairs my mother has is because I tower over this petite microscopic woman who stands at 5'2" and weighs approximately 8 pounds. I generally carry her around in my pocket and I frequently look down at the top of her head as I pet her.

OK, I'll stop. She's not that small, but I can pick her up with one hand wrapped around her waist and place her on my counter. She's a lot like The Incredible Shrinking Woman, played by Lily Tomlin several years ago. My sisters and I fear for her safety every time she goes into the bathroom. We'd hate to see her slip down the drain.

I promised to stop, and so I will. I just wanted to update everybody and let them see that I can look slightly human again.

Before I go, I'd like to give an update on my respiratory infection – I still have it, but my chest doesn't feel as tight today as it did yesterday. Soon I hope to be able to talk without coughing up a lung.

And now for a reenactment of Lily Tomlin's Edith Ann – spiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! And that's the truth.