Showing posts with label embarrassing moments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label embarrassing moments. Show all posts

Monday, November 2, 2009

Me With Hair (I look like my mommy)





If you read My Bravest Blog Yet, you got the chance to see what I look like bald. Here is what I look like with a wig. Note the comparison between my mother and myself.

You'll have to excuse my pallor. Even though I slathered makeup on my eyes, I still look sickly – my mom doesn't. And that's how you can tell us apart. She's the healthy one. I couldn't even smile because of the sores in my mouth due to the chemo, so realize I'm just as happy as my mother. I just can't show it here.

My mom has maybe four gray hairs on her entire head. I now have none (hear that, Mom? none). The reason I know how many gray hairs my mother has is because I tower over this petite microscopic woman who stands at 5'2" and weighs approximately 8 pounds. I generally carry her around in my pocket and I frequently look down at the top of her head as I pet her.

OK, I'll stop. She's not that small, but I can pick her up with one hand wrapped around her waist and place her on my counter. She's a lot like The Incredible Shrinking Woman, played by Lily Tomlin several years ago. My sisters and I fear for her safety every time she goes into the bathroom. We'd hate to see her slip down the drain.

I promised to stop, and so I will. I just wanted to update everybody and let them see that I can look slightly human again.

Before I go, I'd like to give an update on my respiratory infection – I still have it, but my chest doesn't feel as tight today as it did yesterday. Soon I hope to be able to talk without coughing up a lung.

And now for a reenactment of Lily Tomlin's Edith Ann – spiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! And that's the truth.

Monday, May 25, 2009

This happened to somebody I don't know

I have been banned from blogging by people I love: 

"DON'T blog about that!"
"DO NOT put that in your blog."
"I would appreciate it if you wouldn't write about that." 

So the following is a true event using a fictional character that nobody will recognize:

Guzaza (not her real name – I'm not allowed to use her real name for reasons that will soon become apparent) hadn't eaten all day, so I fed her some hot wings and bade her farewell into the night. 

As I stood in my doorway with my back door still open, Guzaza stood on the steps and, from the depths of her stomach, let out a belch that could have come from a 600 pound man who had just consumed an entire pot of chili. I had never, in my life, heard one that was so loud and took so long to come out of a little 110 pound body.

Apparently neither had the porch full of neighbors across the street who were now all completely focused on her, their mouths stuck in the open and awed position.

Unfortunately I had already shut and locked my door when she noticed them staring at her. So she pulled and tugged at my door and begged me to let her back in.

"Not until I can blog about this," I yelled through the door.

I'm kidding (about what I said, not about what happened). That's all. You will never guess who she is, because I have completely disguised her by calling her Guzaza.