Mine. I AM CLUMSY. Obviously. For as long as I can remember, I have fallen UP the stairs (only once have I fallen down the stairs), I am forever bumping into furniture, people crash into me all the time, I have a persistent swollen right foot, one of my grandsons accidentally stomped on my left foot twice (note the bruise), another grandson throws balls at my face, and bugs bite me like I'm a feast at a barbecue.
Maybe it's because I don't take care of myself. After all, look at those disgusting toenails. Shouldn't I at least keep up with pedicures?
And shouldn't I examine my life – WHY do balls keep bashing me in the face (OK, I see where you're going with this – I meant the kinds of balls you play with – OH STOP!)
Anyway, after examining my life, I've come to the conclusion that I have a tremendous magnetic field around me. People and things are just naturally attracted to me. As a matter of fact they are SO attracted to me they can't help but fly at the speed of light toward me. I don't fall INTO furniture. Furniture falls into ME.
So I guess the message from the Universe is to stop being so darned attractive. I mean, who wouldn't want legs like these, right?