Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Where Am I?

Once upon a long long time ago, within a period of three months I moved from Chicago to New York to San Diego and then back to Chicago. You may wonder why I moved so many times in one season. The truth is, I was trying to find myself. Yes, I am from the generation where finding ourselves was of utmost importance, and I was determined to find ME. 

So there I was, on the beach, looking out across the Pacific Ocean, deep in thought, trying to figure out my purpose in life. In despair, because I couldn't answer my own question, I wrapped my arms around my legs, put my head on my knees, closed my eyes, and asked myself the questions of all questions: Who AM I? Where AM I? 

After several minutes (maybe longer – I might have fallen asleep) I gave up asking. Apparently I would never know. When I opened my eyes, absolute pitch-black darkness surrounded me, providing the answer to my question. I had no idea where I was – I was utterly lost. I couldn't even find my way back up the slope, because I could see nothing.

Then one day I realized that finding myself meant just figuring out WHO I was meant to be (and yes, I know I should have written whom). The WHERE didn't matter, because wherever I was, I had to learn to be comfortable with ME.

Over the years I continued to move a lot, though for the past five years I have managed to stay in the same location (I really like it here), sharing my home periodically with numerous family members who move in and out. However, once everybody moves out permanently, I will have to figure out how I can afford to stay in my home by myself, even if staying means finding a company that will streamline refinance rates so that I can afford my currently outrageous mortgage.

Unless (always has to be an unless) one of my screenplays or teleplays sells. Then I might have to move to Hollywood and it won't be an issue :)

So the answer to the question, "Where Am I? is, "I am where I am until I am somewhere else."

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