Funny Grandkids 2 – 7 Stories

Funny Things Grandkids Say, Part ? (I’ve lost count)

Inside the many blogs I’ve written on My Heart Blogs to You sit cute and funny things my kids and grandkids have said over the years. One blog I almost forgot to write is this short story:

A little background first – if you are reading this blog for the first time, I need you to know one thing – I forget things – a lot. So when I remember them, I often blurt out, “Oh!” because that’s the first word that pops into my head.

So on this particular day, while I was talking to three of my grandchildren, and I forgot what I was talking about, I blurted out my customary, “OH!” when I remembered what I wanted to say. 11-year-old Audrey immediately broke into song, “Say Can You See!”

And now, on a more solemn note, I leave you with this memory:

"Boys Have Nipples Girls Have Boobs"

"Boys Have Nipples. Girls Have Boobs." 

So blurts out my not-yet-4-year-old granddaughter, Avery. We were sitting at the table on a Saturday morning while she ate her cereal and I drank my smoothie, talking about everything from the movie we watched the night before, The Perfect Game, (great movie, by the way) to the bug bite she had on her foot.

We often discuss a variety of issues, all of which appear randomly throughout our conversations with absolutely no transition from one subject to the next, and I often find myself choking back laughter so it doesn’t explode out of me like a volcano.

Sometimes I wonder if her brother and sister come up with some of these “insights,” because I can’t imagine her parents making a distinction between nipples and boobs in reference to sex identity. I can only imagine their philosophical discussions when it comes to making sense out of the world in which they live.

“Girls have nipples, too,” I told her. In true Avery style, her eyes popped open and her vision focused on some distant space, filled with thoughts and memories as she tried to incorporate my statement with everything she’d previously learned about life. Everything suddenly probably made sense, considering at their ages, she and her brother and sister have chests that look pretty much the same.

Funny little girl. I think the reason I look at all the funny little cartoons and blurbs on Facebook is to relieve the pressure of holding in so much laughter throughout my days with all of my funny grandkids.

Pretend Play With Avery

Avery posing for the camera.

Some people wonder why I enjoy watching my grandchildren so much. For them and for your enjoyment, here is one example:

Every time I get to watch my 3-year-old granddaughter, Avery, at my home, we play with stuffed animals. And we pretend. We often discuss things that occurred over the weekend or during the week, using the stuffed animals as our voices.

Since today is Monday, this morning my stuffed animal asked Avery’s stuffed animal, “Know what I did yesterday?”

“No,” said Avery’s stuffed animal.

Kaden and Zac waiting for their dad to arrive at the airport.

“I went to the airport and I picked up Uncle Greg and Kaden and Zac.” 

And Avery’s stuffed animal exclaimed, “Wow! You’re really strong!”

Have a joyful day!

Monkey Business & My Funny Grandchildren

A different funny grandchild.

My grandchildren are funny. They get it from their parents, because my kids were funny too. Probably the reason I had kids was because I wanted a steady stream of laughter. But maybe it's just MY sense of humor, so I'll see how you respond. Here is a peek into just a little of what I'm talking about. 

Zac, 5, got a nosebleed the other night, his second since we've been in North Carolina. (It might help if he didn't put his fingers in his nose.) Anyway, he came up with a very good reason as to why he keeps getting nosebleeds – he broke his nose when he was 3 and they gave him a new nose.

And then while he was watching Monkey Business while we were in the car on the way to the beach yesterday, he loudly proclaimed his disappointment with the movie because after watching Monkey Business for nearly an hour, he still hadn't seen any monkeys.

I'm having so much fun!

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Grandma is So Annoying!

Nolan, Avery, and Audrey

When I'm around kids, I tend to sing – a lot – nothing you would know, mind you, because I make up my own songs, and I don't have a very good voice, but I can't help myself. I have a macaroni and cheese song, for instance, and others that just come to me as I work around the kitchen.

I think the reason I sing is because I find it hard to concentrate even when what I'm making is something simple. In large groups, I often sing in my head, just to avoid the distraction of other people who will confuse me just by their presence. 

Holidays are especially difficult, because I might be preparing several things at once, and I usually forget at least one item because somebody interrupted my train of thought. Whenever that train leaves the station I'm pretty much assured that it will make several stops along the way and just stay where it lands regardless of where the destination was supposed to bring me. This past Thanksgiving, for instance, I forgot the stuffing.

Anyway, I'd like to share with you my annoying habit. Here is me singing to myself as I grab slices of bread, peanut butter, jelly, a spoon, and a knife so that Audrey and Nolan can make their own PB&J sandwiches (remember, I'm singing – repeatedly) – so here, for your enjoyment (or agitation), is my song (you'll have to make up your own tune):

A spoon and a knife and a spoon and a knife and a spoon and a knife and a spoon.

A spoon and a knife and a spoon and a knife and a spoon and a knife and a spoon.

A spoon and a knife

A spoon and a knife

And a spoon and a knife and a spoon

In my defense, if I hadn't sung to myself, I might have forgotten the spoon and the knife (remember the stuffing?)

After I sang the song, I heard this:

Nolan: (to me after about the fifth time of hearing the song) You're being annoying.

Audrey: (to Nolan) You're being mean.

Nolan: (to Audrey, agitated) I'm not being mean.

Me: Nolan, do you really think I'm being annoying?

Nolan: Yeah. But I'm not being mean; you're really being annoying.

I love that my grandkids are so honest.

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How Long Have I Known You?

Nolan sat next to me at the table, his head cocked to one side as he looked at me. "How long have you known me?" he wanted to know. 

Before I could answer, he added, "I think I was three or four when I met you."

How could I hold back a laugh? I grabbed his little face and pulled it close, kissing his cheek. And then I hugged him. 

"I've known you your whole life, Nolan."

 The first time I saw Nolan, his dad was walking out of the delivery room carrying him toward me and Nolan's paternal grandmother and grandfather. I've been in love with this little guy since before he was born, and though he is only 5-years-old, I feel as if I have known him forever.

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Future Dad – Kids are Expensive

My son came in from Virginia the other day and while he, his two sons,  my oldest daughter, and I were eating dinner, Kaden asked about marriage and having kids. He said he wanted kids.

Curious, I asked Kaden, "How many kids do you want?"

"One or two," he nodded as if he was quite sure those were the numbers.

"Yeah," his dad agreed, thinking that any more than two would be costly, "kids are expensive."

Immediately Kaden responded, "Well, yeah, if you BUY them."

Oh, how I love our conversations!

I Crap Myself

Oh, the things kids say. They're so cute and funny and they crack us up.

When they are toddlers, as they are learning how to pronounce words, without benefit of actually reading the word and being able to figure out the sounds each letter makes, they rely on their own memories.

And so it happened that, surrounded by strangers, Zac blurted out, "I crap myself."

I'm sure lots of prim and proper parents were appalled by the outburst. I mean, wouldn't, "I pooped myself" sound so much better? Or how about, "Mother, father, I believe I just defecated." But, "I crap myself?" Are you kidding me?

Let's examine this outburst. Most likely, if you have children, you will understand that what kids say and what they are trying to say are two different things, and you will understand why Zac (pictured with his older brother Kaden) was actually saying, "I crack myself up."

(photo above is of two of my grandchildren: Zac on the left and Kaden on the right)

P.S. Aren't they adorable? They're funny too. They crap me up. I mean, crack me up.

Clean Up Time With Nolan

I had been trying to get Nolan, 3, to clean up his mess, but Nolan enjoys watching his mommy, his grandma (me), and his sister, Audrey, clean up his messes. He would rather go to bed than clean up, so I've been using that tactic to get him to take naps.

Just kidding, but the child makes messes faster than anybody I know, so cleaning up is a LONG PROCESS.

In the time it takes the average person to go to the bathroom, the entire house will be filled with every toy, game, and puzzle piece Nolan can find.

Today, while Mommy was out of the room, and after she and I had repeatedly asked Nolan to clean up his mess or he wouldn't be able to go to the pool, which is scheduled to close next week due to the Labor Day holiday, I tried to help Nolan understand how cleaning would benefit him and his mother.

"Cleaning up your mess would make Mommy really happy," I told him. "Don't you want to make Mommy happy?"

I don't know why I'm always surprised by the comments that come out of my grandchildren's mouths. You would think that by now I would be able to handle their comments without laughing.

Nolan (and the rest of my grandchildren) make controlling my laughter nearly impossible, because when I asked Nolan if he wanted to make his mommy happy by cleaning up his mess, he said, "No, I want Audrey to make Mommy happy."

(Blogger wouldn't let me upload the good quality movie of Nolan – I gave up after trying for six hours.)

Nolan And The Poo Poo Cocks

 As I've mentioned before, my grandchildren (and their parents before them) supply me with endless laughter. From what they say to what they do to how they perceive the world, I never lack for blog subjects.

So here we go again.

Before I get into the Poo Poo Cocks story, I want to relate what happened this morning.

As those of us who have children know, kids love repeating what they hear other people saying, even if they don't understand why they're saying it. Just this morning, Audrey (5) and Nolan (3) were dressed for a wedding and I told them they both looked beautiful. Just then their dad walked into the room and Nolan said, "Don't even say it, Dad. I know what you're going to say."

When Nolan didn't elaborate and nobody said anything, I asked Nolan, "What is your dad going to say?"

And he responded, "I don't know." Apparently the don't-even-say-it conversation was the whole point and required no further explanation.

Speaking of points, the point of this blog follows:

I was sitting on my bed one evening when my grandson, Nolan, walked into the room and said, "I want poo poo cocks."

Being the wise grandma that I am, I thought that sounded a lot like Cocoa Puffs (grandmas are so smart), but I didn't know we had Cocoa Puffs, and besides, I wanted to hear him say it again, so I asked him to repeat himself. "I want poo poo cocks."  Yes, this is the same little guy who wanted a Poppochino (read that blog by clicking the link).

I was surprised that my grandson, who always asks for Crunch (Cinnamon Toast Crunch) every morning even liked Cocoa Puffs, so I searched the pantry and there it was – a brand new box of Poo Poo Cocks.

Now I want you to picture me with my eyes searching the sky as I tap my chin with my finger. Wonder if these blogs will be around when my grandchildren become teenagers. I would love to present these blogs as historically accurate accounts of their lives as seen through the eyes of their grandma.

I just hope I'm around long enough to enjoy watching their reactions.

If you want to read more "funny things that kids say," check out these books:

(photo is of Audrey and Nolan)

What's a Crapbox?

 We are not a family who swears. I raised my children to respect the English language and they all know that I ABHOR the "F" word – used alone or followed by "you". The repulsive and ugly word will not pass my lips.

Although I must admit, one day, in utter frustration, because I wanted my kids to know I was EXTREMELY upset, I uttered the offensive expression. My kids LAUGHED at me and said, "Mom, if you're going to use that word, learn how to say it correctly."

How can anybody not say that word correctly? It's truly ugly. I imagine "FU" might sound prettier if it was spelled like this: phucqueue. But it's not.

I bring up the "F" word only because I want to bring attention to the fact that cursing is not part of my vocabulary and it is not something I have taught my children.

However, kids live in a world filled with people who speak loathsome words, and we can't help but hear them spoken sometimes.

Well, yesterday, as Brittney (my youngest daughter) and I were having a cup of coffee, Audrey (her 5-year-old daughter) ran out of her bedroom, her face beaming with excitement. "Wanna see what I found in my crapbox?"

I looked at Brittney. Brittney looked at me. Our eyebrows crossed.

"What did you say, Audrey?"

"Come see what I found in my crapbox!"

"Are you saying crayon box?" We don't know why we asked her that – she's been speaking very clearly since before she was 2 years old, but we asked anyway.

"No, my crapbox."

Brittney and I were puzzled. As Audrey ran back to her room, thinking we were following her, I asked Brittney, "What's a crapbox? And where did she learn that word?"

So Brittney asked her why she was calling her box – that held miscellaneous items such as hair ties, crayons, and puzzle pieces – a crapbox. (Maybe the excitement was because Nolan, her little brother, had dropped a bit of his own "crap" in there – who knows).

Anyway, Audrey is an inventive little girl who has an imagination that allows her to gather information from various parts of her brain and create mysterious word combinations. Maybe somebody once told her to pick up all her crap and she assimilated the word into her vocabulary, because her only nonchalant comment was, "Oh, that's just what I call it."

Brittney told Audrey to call it her miscellaneous box, which she couldn't pronounce.

Photo above is of Nolan and Audrey hiding in the couch cushions.